How many worlds have you known? How many “Big Bangs” have you witnessed? And the evolution of the species, do you believe in it?
The first world I knew had ONE school, with only two classrooms. “Getting old” in this world meant “studying in the morning.” Everyone who studied in the morning was older and more experienced.
In this world the hardest mission was to get the dirt off my feet after dark. I played ball from 7 in the morning until 7 at night, with my inseparable friends Jean and Kaue, sons of the hairdresser.
There was my grandfather’s house, full of pigeons and with a frightening lizard that slept under his pillow.
In this world my dad was a fisherman. I’m serious — damn, he caught a shark “bigger than me”!
It was on this little planet called Ipanema that I fell in love for the first time and had my first “heartbreak” — actually two in just over a year. Roberta’s and Priscila’s parents thought that I, at “almost” 10 years old, was too young to date… I had to settle for investing my life in collecting figurines from the surprise chocolate.
One day, for some reason, my friends had to move. Jean and Caue left Ipanema, going to Curitiba. We agreed to meet in the future. I remember to this day the last time we saw each other — it was on November 3, 1994, solar eclipse. We said goodbye and never saw each other again… I never again got my feet dirty in the sand of that street playing ball, never again saw Roberta and Priscila, and my grandfather had already left for another world 5 years before… My world ended.
Around the same time, I saw the birth of another world. A world inhabited by people who knew how to play indoor soccer. A school with more than 80 students!!!
It was in this world that I discovered I could hide all my shyness and insecurity behind a musical instrument. In this world there was a friend, Juninho. Juninho was much older. Damn, the girls loved Juninho!
I moved to this world before my parents… I lived an eternity (8 months) at my grandparents’ house and waaay far from my parents — an incredible 15 kilometers.
I remember this world had new words. One of them I wrote on my hand one day and went to ask my parents what it was, because everyone was only talking about it: jerking off!
This world had bad people. I remember how many times I had to wait for my dad’s ride, or for the “back of my grandfather’s bike” so as not to get beat up “at dismissal time.”
I was happy in this world too. I could live there forever. I had friends, a church, a school… but one day the church pastor fled, disappeared, vanished… and like magic, the families started looking for new places to attend… this world ended.
That’s when I took my first long trip. I went with my aunt and uncle to Rio de Janeiro, two weeks in Duque de Caxias, and a new world began.
I was no longer the shy guy who “hid behind the instrument” — now I was the shy guy who played an instrument well. I got a little gig as keyboardist/guitarist at a church in Curitiba. Man, “I was playing in the capital!!!”, and they even paid for my bus fare, a coxinha, and a guaraná!!!
I discovered the internet and programming. I got from my dad the Delphi Bible, bought at some used bookshop in Paranaguá. I devoured this book. In one month I coded a Siscomex module to be used in classes for Senac and Logos. I made a few reais, bought a new Bible, and gave the rest of the money to my parents. I had learned to produce money with code!
But in this world I only wanted to know about one thing: being a youth pastor. That’s what I did, that’s who I was, that’s what I exuded. And besides all that, there was HER. You know? There, right in the center of the stage… yes, “Chico,” the dancer… I’m going to marry her.
The world was that, and I already knew who I was and who I would be. Pastor Fellipe.
Like all the worlds I knew, this one too exploded. From one day to the next I woke up in Pinhais, in a 3×3 studio, with a mattress thinner than my shin, and working as a truck unloader on a plastic-bag production line.
This was a new world. I discovered how much a “free-of-weight lunch” at a gas station was worth.
I shared this world with my parents, my two sisters, my room with my best friend, owner of the smelliest fart in history.
In this world something strange happened. I no longer had younger sisters. I looked to the side and didn’t see them anymore — there were two women living in my sisters’ room. Believe me, that’s very strange.
This world didn’t last long. I caught a spaceship, put the dancer inside it, and we moved to another planet, actually a moon… the honey-moon =)
Damn, this world was very different. In this world I was my dad, and the electric bill didn’t pay itself automatically and the pantry didn’t fill up every first of the month.
Ahhh, in this life I had sex. I liked this world.
Weeell, my life continues with many more details, but I think you already understand what I’m trying to say. We live in search of “a little place in the middle of nowhere, with the taste of chocolate, and the smell of wet earth”…
Normally we just want to find happiness, and then we want to live there, with it, in peace, with those we love, and woe to anyone who tells us about the end of the world.
Your world is going to end, mine too. We don’t control that. What we can do is enjoy our world as if there were no other opportunity, because if we stop to think, in fact each day that passes is closer to the end of it (I think someone already sang that, lol).
Enjoy your world, savor it, touch it, smell it, live it, find your treasures, the experiences, the loves, and the thorns. But make every day worth it.
I learned that worlds end long before the End of the World, but every end brings a new beginning. Not always better, but almost always unprecedented in its challenges and pleasures, just as in its difficulties and overcomings.
Happy Beginning of the End of a New World to you.