Have you ever been on a roller coaster?
I have, and the first time was when I was already old! I remember it like it was yesterday… I spent the day before anticipating the sensation. During the trip, every descent down the mountain road I thought: It’s gonna be like this! When I got there, I looked from afar and said: It’s today!!! The biggest thrill…
I got in line and started watching the speed and how close to the ground the cart was passing… when I looked to the side I realized my courage had run away… but I fooled myself and walked up to the cart, sat down…
I took a deep breath and said, here we go, this is gonna be siiiiick.
It started going up. “Wow, cool, it’s high”… Went a little higher, “wow, you can be at the height of a building.” Went a little higher, “wooow, I can see the beach from up here.” Went a tiny bit more, “WHAT AM I DOING UP HERE?!? I don’t want to gooooooooooooooooooo… HERE WE GO!”
It was fantastic. I screamed with all the dread and adrenaline possible. I called for my mom, God, my dog. I smiled, cried, shouted like a madman… and in a minute, it was over! And as soon as it ended, my heart racing, the adrenaline still high, the courage on full display… I said: I’m going again!!!
To my surprise, after sitting in the cart a second time, the dread started MUCH earlier, and I started accusing myself: What are you doing here again, you crazy fool!
This little story (which you can check out in the video below) is what my life is like. Our life is like…
I was in California two years ago. Wow! Now THAT is a city. Good prices, cheap electronics, houses without walls, safety, beach and mountains separated by only 30 minutes by car. A quality of life unimaginable for us Brazilians.
My first thought? I want to come here!!! Yesterday!!!
I drew up a plan, prayed, dedicated hours of study, work, planned, organized our finances, the projects, and… since last year I’ve been in “line” for the cart… and excited, “it’s gonna be cool, wow, I’ll surf every week, we’ll have a house without walls, safety, etc…”
A month ago I bought the tickets… and I felt myself sitting on that roller coaster cart again… “What am I doing?!?”
We packed all our furniture, sent it to a warehouse, sold things important to me. We made ONE suitcase, and we are ready to travel to paradise… or to a land that is not mine.
Los Angeles doesn’t have my smell, my favorite restaurant, it’s not where I grew up, it doesn’t have my “secret places,” my friends, my office partners, my friends from barbecues and Wednesday night games.
It doesn’t have people to invite to a birthday, doesn’t have movies in Portuguese, doesn’t have that old acquaintance who fixes cars…
It doesn’t have our doctor, the pet shop, that hot dog from when I started dating, or that expensive restaurant where I celebrated so many victories.
It doesn’t have the refuge of my parents’ lap, or that dear friend we call to share the load…
Los Angeles is not mine and I am not hers. It’s a strange land, cold, without sun, without color, and without my corners… Where did paradise go?
That’s how life is for everyone, isn’t it? How many times have we found ourselves in this situation? A new job, a relationship that ended, moving cities, schools, churches, “soccer crews”…
I am a nomad by nature. I’ve moved cities 3 times. This will be the fourth… I’ve been alone many times, and it’s always hard, always watered with tears and solitary prayers… but nothing like what I’m about to do 3 days from now. I will share my experiences here, on this blog. I hope you’ll come along.
I have discovered that life is not the destination, it is the path…
And that’s it… Monday I sit in the cart, and start going up…
And you, what’s your roller coaster, what’s your challenge… what have you always wanted to do but are scared to death of? Make your time to sit in the cart come…
We will regret it many times, and we will think we did the best thing in life many other times… easy it won’t be, but it will be an adventure… are you ready?