The text below is long, because there is no simple and short way to answer this. I hear these questions 30x a year, as a source for answers I used the fantastic book “Why I Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore”. I HIGHLY recommend reading this book.
Before starting, a quick and brief answer if you don’t have time.
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Why don’t you go to church anymore?
Jesus doesn’t speak of the Church as a place where you go, but as a way of living in relationship with Him and with those who follow Him. The question is not where we are at a particular moment of the weekend, but how we are living with Jesus and with other believers throughout the week.
I don’t go to church anymore because it is impossible to GO to a place that doesn’t exist. I am the church, an ambassador of the kingdom, a foreigner in strange lands, spreading principles of an extraterrestrial kingdom whether at the cathedral or at the corner bar.
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The way I relate to the Church is somewhat unconventional, and there are even those who consider it reckless. Believe me, I understand the concern, because I myself used to think this way and even taught others to do so.
If you are satisfied with the status quo of the current institutional religion, maybe you won’t like what you read here. My objective is not to convince you to see this incredible Church the same way I do, but to answer your questions as openly and honestly as I can. Even if we end up not agreeing, I hope you will understand that our differences don’t necessarily distance us as members of the body of Christ.
In February 2015 it has been 10 years since I left the traditional church. In various ways I have still been connected to some churches over the last decade, but every attempt to readjust to what is usually called church only reinforced my perspective regarding the current church.
Want to understand better? Read the questions and answers below.
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WHICH CHURCH DO YOU GO TO?
I never liked this question, even when I was able to answer it citing a
specific organization. I know its cultural meaning, but it is based on a
false premise — that the church is a place you can go to, the same way you go
to an event, a party or attend an organized group.
I think Jesus sees the Church in a totally distinct way. He doesn’t speak of it as a place where you go, but as a way of living in relationship with Him and with those who follow Him. “Church” is a word that doesn’t identify a place or an institution. It describes a people and how the members of that people relate to one another. When this is lost from view, our understanding of the Church becomes distorted and we stop enjoying the joy it can give us.
Jesus doesn’t speak of the Church as a place where you go, but as a way of living in relationship with Him and with those who follow Him.
The idea that only those who gather on Sunday mornings to attend a religious service or a lecture are part of the Church — excluding the rest — would be strange to Jesus. The question is not where we are at a particular moment of the weekend, but how we are living with Jesus and with other believers throughout the week.
BUT DON’T WE NEED REGULAR MEETINGS?
I wouldn’t say we need meetings. If we lived in a place where it wasn’t
possible to be with other believers, Jesus would certainly be able to take care
of us.
So I would put the question a little differently: are people who are learning to know the living God better going to want real and meaningful connections with people who share the same belief? Obviously! The call to the kingdom of God is not an invitation to isolation. All the people I know who are flourishing in the life of Jesus feel the desire to enter authentic communion with others who have that same belief. This kind of communion, however, is not easy to find.
Periodically, on this journey, there are occasions when we don’t seem to find other believers with whom to share our hunger for God. This happens especially with those who realize that conforming to the expectations of religious institutions can end up weakening their relationship with Jesus.
Maybe they feel excluded by faithful with whom they had maintained a close friendship for years. But whoever goes through this situation does not see it as a threat. It is undoubtedly incredibly painful, and these people will look for other believers deeply willing to share the journey.
My favorite translation of community life is that of a group of people who choose to walk together for a small stretch of the journey, cultivating close friendships and learning together to listen to God.
SO SHOULD I STOP GOING TO CHURCH?
I’m afraid this question is also poorly posed. I don’t believe you go to
church more than I do. We are all part of it. Do your part the way Jesus asks
you and in the places where He puts you.
Not all of us develop in the same environment. If you meet with a group of Christians at a determined time and place, and if this participation helps you get closer to Jesus and follow His work in you, I don’t think, in any way, that you should leave.
Keep in mind, however, that this is not the Church, but only one of the many expressions of it in the place where you live.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that just because you attend the meetings you are experiencing authentic community life. This only happens when God connects you with a handful of brothers and sisters with whom you are able to build close friendships and share the real challenges of the journey. This can happen in traditional congregations, as well as outside them.
In recent years I have come across dozens of people who, increasingly disappointed with traditional congregations, are flourishing spiritually by sharing the life of God with others, most often in their own homes.
SO MEETING AT HOME IS THE ANSWER?
Of course not. But let’s be clear: as pleasant as it is to participate in
services in large environments and have talented mentors, the authentic
pleasure of community life cannot be shared in excessively large groups. During
its first 300 years the early Church found in the homes the perfect place to
meet. Homes are much more suited to family dynamics, which is how Jesus
described His body. What truly matters to me is not where or how people meet,
but whether they focus on Jesus and whether they actually help one another to
become like Him. The issue here is mainly the quality of the relationship. I
am always looking for people like this and I rejoice when I find them.
ARE YOU REACTING TO SOME PAIN?
Maybe so, only time will tell, but honestly I don’t believe so. Anyone who gets
involved in authentic community life will eventually get hurt. But there are
two kinds of wound. There is the kind of pain caused by a problem that can be
treated with the right care — like a severely sprained ankle — and there is
that kind of pain that can only be repaired with distance — like when someone
puts their hand on a hot iron.
Possibly all of us have experienced some kind of pain trying to fit the life of God into institutions. For a long time many stayed in them, hoping that, by changing some things, everything would improve. Although we may have had some success in certain moments of renewal, we ended up discovering that the adaptation that every institution requires is incompatible with the freedom that people need to grow in Christ. This has happened with practically every group that has formed throughout the history of Christianity.
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT CHURCH?
No, and I don’t believe I will find it on this side of eternity. My goal is
not to seek perfection, but to find people who make God their priority. I
confess that I feel deeply uncomfortable with the situation in which
institutional Christianity finds itself. A good part of what we today call
“church” is nothing more than a well-planned performance, with very little
effective connection between the faithful. They are much more stimulated to
depend more and more on the system or its leaders than on Jesus himself. We
spend more energy adapting our behavior to what the institution needs than
helping people transform! I’m tired of trying to establish communion with
people who conceive of “church” only as a place where a group spends two hours
a week atoning for guilt, while living the rest of the week with the same
worldly priorities. I’m tired of those who exalt their own pious works, but who
show no compassion for others. I’m tired of insecure people who use the body
of Christ as an extension of their egos and who manipulate the community to
satisfy their own needs. I’m tired of sermons that contain more rules and
moralism than the freedom of divine love and in which relationships fall to
the background in front of the demands of the institution.
BUT DON’T OUR CHILDREN NEED ACTIVITIES AT CHURCH?
I would say what they really need is to be integrated into the life of God
through communion with the other faithful. Ninety-two percent of children who
regularly attend Sunday schools equipped with all kinds of sophisticated
entertainment abandon the “church” when they leave their parents’ home.
Instead of filling our children with moral rules and regulations, we need to
show them how to live together in the life of God.
No Sunday school is capable of fulfilling this function.
I know I am rowing against the current, but it is much more important that our children experience true communion among believers than the buzz of a program for well-behaved children.
WHAT DYNAMIC OF COMMUNITY LIFE DO YOU PURSUE?
I am always looking for people who are trying to follow the living Christ. He
is at the center of these people’s lives, attentions, conversations. They seem
authentic and leave others free to question, doubt, disagree and to follow the
voice of the Lord without being accused of rebellion or separatism. I look for
people who don’t waste their money on extravagant buildings or programs made
to impress. I look for people who feel in communion, even when they are next
to strangers. I go in search of groups in which everyone actively participates
and is not a mere passive attendee placed at a safe distance from the so-called
leader.
THIS WAY AREN’T YOU GIVING PEOPLE A PRETEXT TO STAY HOME DOING NOTHING?
I hope not, even knowing that risk exists. I understand that some people who
abandon traditional congregations end up settling and refraining from any
ecclesial life. I’m also not in favor of those who go around hopping from
church to church, after the latest trend or the best opportunity to satisfy
their most selfish desires. Most of the people I meet and talk to, however,
are not outside the system because they have lost their passion for Jesus or
for His people, but because the closest traditional congregations were not
able to satisfy their hunger for relationship. They are looking for authentic
expressions of community life and pay a very high price to reach them. Believe
me: all of us would find it easier to let ourselves be carried by the
current, but, after experiencing the living communion among fervent
believers, it is impossible to settle for less.
WOULDN’T THIS CONCEPTION OF CHURCH CREATE DIVISION?
I don’t think so. People create division by demanding that others adapt to
their own revelation of the truth. Many of us, on this journey, are accused of
promoting division because freedom can be threatening to those who find
security in a closed religious system. But most of us are not trying to
convince other people to abandon their congregations. We consider the Christian
community big enough to welcome the people of God, whatever way He gathers
them. Today we don’t need to keep talking about the Church anymore. What we
need is people prepared to live the reality of it.
WHERE CAN ONE FIND THIS KIND OF COMMUNION?
There is no easy answer to this question. This communion may be right in front
of you, lived with companions with whom you freely share life. It may be on
your street or at the table next to yours at work. You can also engage in
assistance activities that benefit the most needy and the most vulnerable in
your neighborhood as a way to put into practice the life of God in you, and
there find other people with hunger similar to yours.
Don’t expect this kind of communion to happen easily inside an organization. Look around and you may discover that Jesus has already led you to where there is communion. Believe in this, and He will gather half a dozen companions with whom you can share the journey. Maybe they don’t belong to your congregation. Don’t expect this to be easy or to happen calmly. Being obedient to Jesus will demand certain specific decisions on your part. Discarding old habits and being free to allow Him to raise up your community around you will require some preparation, but it will certainly be worth it.
I know it bothers some people that I don’t take my seat in a church pew every Sunday morning, but I can guarantee you, with absolute certainty, that my worst moments outside of institutional religion are still better than my best days inside of it.
For me, the difference is like keeping listening to someone talk about golf or grabbing some clubs and going out to play. Being in the Church around the life of Jesus is going out to play.
Today we don’t need to keep talking about the Church anymore. What we need is people prepared to live the reality of it. Lately people throughout the world have been rediscovering how to do this. You can be one of them, if you allow Jesus to integrate you into His community as He desires.